Covet

A year ago, more or less...

"Wouldn't it be nice if..." then my mind wanders in many directions. Directions that it shouldn't wander, but does anyway. Steamy scripts, but they all start the same way--you come to me. Oh, it takes a lot of discipline to control the mind, and sometimes when you're bored out of your skull typing technical manuals, the mind flits to more sultry thoughts. Or, at least my mind does. Thoughts of stolen moments in locked kitchenettes, parking lot kisses, and late-night penance on my knees. Well-wrought scripts that would make Anais Nin and Henry James blush.

Realizing that such repeated thoughts are wrong, I remove myself from the situation--an acknowledgement of the concise but weighty item in the con list for staying, "covet."

Not good to covet, to wantonly desire. Jeopardizes the soul and the sanity. More worried about the sanity--I've experienced enough hell in my lifetime to earn a few plenary indulgences.

God, my Catholicism is rooted deeply, isn't it?

So I depart with grace. I remove myself from the source of temptation because in a moment of weakness I don't want to repeat a mistake. That was the alcohol I tell myself, copius amounts of alcohol. Stilll, rejection stings like a nasty hornet. And desire burrows deep. The two make for nasty bedmates. Yet, I'm not a coward and am extremely impulsive; it would be meaningless in the scheme of things but so improper, so unfair. And wrong.

Therefore, I cry out, "Sanctuary, sanctuary!" And leave.

It is better this way--extraction eases moments of turbulence and erases some of the lust.

The remainder just reminds me of my humanity and need for self-improvement.

I'm still searching for a vaccination against your charm.