Frustration

Dealing with a marital ex has to be one of the most frustrating experiences in the world.  When I divorced my ex-husband, I did not rake him over the financial coals like most women do.  I didn't want to make it that he would never own anything, as he already paid child support to his former ex-wife.  (Yes, you would *THINK* that I would have been smart enough to not marry someone who had been divorced two times before.  Heh.  Sometimes you should learn from other people's experiences.)

Anyway, today I called out to find out if he would be helping with the second half of her grade school tuition.  While copping an attitude, he told me it was not his responsibility to help with tuition, but since he had given me a 1/3 of her tuition in the fall, he would help again.   Calling him seemed to put him out--how dare I approach him with a need that his daughter has.  Now, considering the very low amount that I receive each month for child support, you would think that he would be more than happy to help--heck, and maybe volunteer to help.  I handle all the incidental fees (class trips, lunch fees, sacramental preparation fees, school stationery fees, uniforms, school shoes) associated with school, not to mention her ballet and Girl Scouts.  He sees these fees posted on her school's website, so it's not like they are a secret.  His argument is that because he doesn't see her that much, he really shouldn't have to be that responsible for her.  She's in ballet and Girl Scouts, so part of her weekends are busy.  Sundays are free, but he doesn't want to drive up and drive back on the same day, so his time with her is limited.  He's a computer teacher, so he also leverages that my salary is higher than his. Imagine what he will be like for college--clearly it's not his responsibility to help pay for college--can't you hear him saying that now? 

Now, I did not create Emily on my own, and every day I deal with the day-to-day responsibilities of raising her.  I even work in a field I don't particularly enjoy because it pays more than teaching would. I make decisions that are best suited for her well-being.  You would think that a man would be a man and offer to do more than what was expected. Surely you would think he would want to do the best for his daughter even though we are not together.  I honestly don't know how he can live with himself when he knows he's short-changing her.  Her approaches her birthday/Christmas with the same attitude.  It feels more like obligatory gifts.   

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."