Just Breathe?

"Like giving up the air you breathe," she remarked when I told her that I didn't want to write.  We've become close friends--meeting first through this site, and then in person.  Now we talk quite often, and it's only the craziness of our lives that keeps us from hanging out more.

"But after meeting you I realize that you're not like what you post--they're just snapshots of how you're feeling at the time."

Yes, I'm much more complex than the words on the screen.  People, especially people who know me outside of the internet, need to understand that just because you read my blog it doesn't mean that you know me.  You can stay up all night reading my words if you like, but in the end, all you have are snapshots of my thoughts and feelings frozen in a moment of time.  It's what's going through my head that I express in words.

I'm worth the work of getting to know me in person--I truly am. I'm worth a phone call or an E-Mail to see how I'm doing.  Reading the blog doesn't cut it.

I've always said that I write for me, but now I see that this site has become a liability in my personal relationships.  If I continue to blog, the content will be different.

I love this site--and I'm touched and flattered by the lovely comments and personal E-Mails that you send me asking if I'm OK.  I'm fine--I'm just confused how people believe that they know me from my site. It's as if I'm not worth any effort to understand my feelings.

I don't want to censor myself--that doesn't make for good art.  Perhaps this will just become a writer's notebook and there will be less personal reflection.  I don't know what to do, really.

However, as someone else mentioned, I shouldn't let a few misguided individuals take away something that I enjoy.