Penis Envy

The Concept of a "team lunch" amuses me to no end. Simply amuses me. It adds the proverbial cherry to one lousy day; another day in a sucky month, which is just another part of a hellacious year, another year in a rather unfulfilling life.

Lunch with the enemy; sure, I'll break bread with a group of people where some members don't respect me because of my gender. No problem. Pass the soy sauce, and by the way, I think you couldn't manage yourself out of a paper bag with both ends open and holes in the top and bottom.

He wants to know what the problem is with the group dynamics. Hmm...let me think a minute about this. Oh yeah, I don't have a penis! That's the problem. I can't be heard because I'm lacking. Well, I can fix that. I can go to an adult toy store on South Street and buy me one very fine artificial one. "Excuse me, I need the biggest, baddest, meanest dick substitute you've got." Hell, I'll even strap it on and wear it to work if it means you will listen to my ideas and stop treating me like a child. Better yet, at tomorrow's lunch, we can pass it around the table and whoever is speaking can hold it in their hands. We want everybody to be on equal footing, so even the guys will have to hold it so size isn't an issue.

Yes, I'm in a lousy mood.

If you send me lots of D batteries my mood may improve.