Poodles and lap dogs

I am not gentle with myself.  I never have been.  I've always expected more from myself--to be more, to do more, to excel more.  I push myself because I'm over-compensating for the things that I believe I lack.

I received an instant message from a woman I used to work with, and I immediately thought how flattered my former coworkers would have been if she would have IMd with them.  She's a woman that was held in esteem by everyone at our old place of employ.  She was nice enough, but very stuck on herself.  And rightfully so--I mean she was a pleasure to look at and  successful.  Just very into herself and liked to play "good girl," or as I call it, "hard to get."

My mistake has always been valuing others over myself.  It's part of my nature, and I've been trying to tame it.  I'm the type that would receive box lunches in meetings and think of sharing with others who may not have brought a lunch to spare them a few bucks.  Why, really, should I care?  Why should I think about surprising someone with a treat from a bakery just because--what's the point in being extra nice? 

When we reduce this sauce we call life, what matters most to people is how being around you makes them feel.  They like to be with the ones who make it known that it's a privilege to be their friends.  A giving person is more like an annoying lap dog who lets it be known how happy it is to sit on your lap.  "Pet me!  Pet me!  Love me!  Can't you see I love you?  Want me to fetch your slippers?"  Most people seem to prefer the poodle types:  the show dogs with attitude who believe it's all about them.  Then people think how lucky they are to get some attention from the poodles.  "The poodle remembered me today--how lucky I am."

Yes, indeed,  how lucky some are.