"They're Mine!" (so's everthing else)

She snatched the bag of Sun Chips out of her second husband's hands, "No, you can't have any! They're all I have with my yogurt. You have a sandwich and an apple. I'd eat a sandwich if I wouldn't blow up like a balloon."

He looked at her with his mouth gaping open. I'm sure my jaw dropped, too, but I was eating a sandwich, so maybe she thought I was opening wide to shovel some into it instead of it falling open in astonishment.

She didn't just grab those chips out of his hand, did she?

Yes, yes she did. Wow. Are you kidding me?

So the guy wanted a few Sun Chips for Joey's sake. C'mon, Sun Chips aren't that good, for one thing. Now Lindt Lindor Truffles I might arm wrestle you for, but Sun Chips? Please. For two, he's your husband who married you even though you have a kid. Honey, you're no longer a single Mom--be happy! You share a house and expenses--you deny him a few chips?

I've eaten my share of apples the last six weeks, and yes, my waistline is way more wasp-ish than it has been in quite some time. I'm still hungry, though. So I could sympathize with his desire to supplement his meager meal with his wife's bag of chips.

How many times have I shared my lunch with friends even when I was hungry. I used to get boxed lunches at meetings--I took the fruit out and give the rest to somebody else who didn't have a lunch to save them some money. I did it without thinking, and they were just friends. Imagine the sacrifices that I would be willing to make for a life partner...

I'm Italian and Polish, and food is a big deal to both of these cultures. Do you know how I annoy my Italian mother? I refuse to eat the meal she's cooked! You know how my ex would really irritate me--walk out on a meal that I spent a few hours preparing. Manipulation via food is very effective. Food is love; it shows that you care whether or not the other person has enough sustenance, and sometimes food symbolizes more than body nourishment.

The Sun Chip episode amazed me. I see it all of the time--women who are takers. Men who put up with it.

Why?

Let me let you in on a little secret, oh ye henpecked ones. There are plenty of women out there who won't treat you that way. I understand that you suck it up for the sake of kids or for financial security, or for both.

Well, if she's selfish with you, do you really think she's going to be warm and fuzzy with the kids when it becomes a case of her needs vs. their needs? Do you think she'll just switch it on and off like a light bulb? Selfishness is an inherit character trait--and as natural to some as breathing.

If she's that way about chips with you, do you think she's going to miss her salon appointment because the kid is sick? No she's not. She doesn't have to be nice anymore--she's married, and she's got you by the cojones. She knows this. You know this. Why pretend it's anything else? She'll do what she wants, and you'll do what she wants to keep the peace. For the sake of appearances. Because you don't want her to get half, or three-fourths, or whatever the terms of the settlement are.

Are you happy, though? Seriously, late at night when the house is still, ask yourself that question. I bet dollars to apples that I know the answer.

Kids are resilient--and some women would gladly give you custody so they can pursue Victim Number 2. It's hard to meet Mr. Right with the kids in tow. Trust me on this one. The kids don't need to learn from her example how to manipulate, how to emotionally blackmail, how to extort. Those aren't the character traits that I would want my kid to see daily. What hope is there for their future emotional and relationship health if they think that Mom's behavior is normal and acceptable?

Love is not selfish. Love doesn't manipulate. Love puts the other person first. Love is give and take, not you give me everything and I'll keep taking. Anything less is not love--your relationship is then a business arrangement.

So now let's consider the financial ramifications of leaving the troubles behind; the price is very high. However, it's only money. It's only possessions. If you want to subjugate your happiness because you can't part with the Lincoln Navigator parked in the garage, well, I hope that Lincoln Navigator keeps you warm at night. Or takes care of you when you're sick. Or stands firm if, God forbid, your fortune changes. Life with an ice princess sure can be rough.

My advice: bail! Find someone who will share some Sun Chips with you. Until then, live by yourself and buy your own Sun Chips. Just don't tolerate her snatching them out of your hands and publicly berating you for eating some. Life's too short for anything less.

PS: Yes, I'll share my Sun Chips with you.