Unrequited

"Notice me!" my heart clamors while in your presence. Allow yourself to be moved by this electricity between us. Do you really think our similarities are chance? Did you ever think we were meant to meet? Two souls on a collision course, and neither adequately prepared for the challenge the other poses.

I really wish you would just acknowledge the sparks. Maybe you don’t feel them. Last time we were together I thought you did, but I’m probably reading too much into things. I wish you would say something about all of this. You never say anything about it, and your piercing silence frustrates me.

Oh, I know it’s complicated. However, this cat and mouse game has grown tiresome; I’m weary of pussy-footing around. Just tell me that you agree that we’re sacrificing something special by not pursuing anything. Synergy perhaps? A functional relationship? One hell of a fuck? Something, anything, would be better than this nothingness. I can’t handle our Zen state real well right now. Maybe even a definitive good-bye would be better. Just not this eternal holding pattern.

I know that it would feel right if we tried with a certainty that frightens me—something that shakes the beliefs and convictions to which I cling. You know I'm cynical, but there is part of me that still believes relationships can be meaningful. We won’t try, though. We’re both cowards content to stay within the well-trodden, safe path instead of venturing out of our confines and exploring new possibilities. It saddens me to think we’re too afraid to try. Perhaps I shouldn’t speak for you. For all I know, you don’t feel this energy and you couldn’t care less about me.  I freely admit it! I’m the yellow-belly! I’m afraid of rejection. I’m afraid of consequences. I’m afraid of how I feel about you because I’m so careful with my heart these days. I could write a thesis on unrequited feelings, and I swore I wouldn’t find myself in a one-way situation again.

I’m not trying to stir you into action with words you won’t even consider...or may never read. I just feel better placing the cards on the table; I’m being selfish—I needed this release. I’ll continue to care from a distance. That won’t change.