When You Rent "Chasing Amy," You Chase Down Some Facts....
...or at least the geeks do.
Watched part of “Chasing Amy” last night—fell asleep, but heard the discussion of oral sex. So, that got me thinking about why men value it so much, why women do it, and if it is really indeed “sex.” Here's a link to some "Chasing Amy" information...http://www.viewaskew.com/chasingamy/main.html
From my early morning research, it seems that there is a definite generational difference between how women of various ages regard fellatio. I distinctly remember my Mother overhearing some girl that my brother was helping with homework tell him, “Thanks for the help; remind me I owe you a b.j.” To my brother’s generation (he’s 22; I’m 32), it’s as casual as kissing. (Stop thinking you were born too soon—just find a younger lover).
It appears that for women of my generation, fellatio is a slightly bigger deal, but in no way qualifies as sex.
Like Clinton (or thanks to Clinton?), it appears that we view sex as either vaginal or anal penetration, not oral penetration. We could argue about the definition of “is,” but Bill Clinton already did that (successfully, I might add). I guess it doesn’t qualify as sex because it’s more intimate than kissing, but not as intimate as intercourse itself. Some people argue that it is more intimate, but I disagree, as neither person has to get naked and expose themselves.
So, why do women do it?
One woman unabashedly gives gardening knee pads at wedding showers, with the advice to use them wisely—now, I’ve got plenty of kneeling pads for gardening in my garage, but can’t say I received them as shower presents. In Carol Ormandy’s article, “Drop ‘Em Babe” the author tells married couples the secret to happiness lies in the art of giving. Here’s the link: http://salon.com/mwt/feature/1999/11/16/oral_sex/index.html.
Ormandy muses, “Whoever said that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach was either a gourmet cook or married to a missionary.” She mentions that when she wants her husband to either go somewhere with her or to help her around the house, she uses the b.j.-barter method. Ahh, Quid Pro Quo in action. Many of her female friends do not agree with the author’s theory; Ormandy retorts, “Another was upset that I seem to be using sex for barter. True, but so is giving a foot rub, or trading an afternoon watching football for a chick movie in the evening. What's the difference?”
There isn’t a difference—I agree with the author one hundred percent. It’s probably more effective than making a nice dinner, less cleanup involved, less time…not that I mind cooking, because I can cook. Who doesn’t enjoy being the recipient of lavishly undivided attention—and an action that shows you are cared for? I think that’s probably the nicest aspect of oral sex—you gain pleasure from the other person’s pleasure. A friend of mine once said to me, “it would work for the guy, but it’s not exactly fair to the girl” after I had stood up a date for the evening with the remark that I indeed owed my date something for not being at the appointed place/time. Never wound up paying that debt, by the way. My date lectured me so much on the phone that I was completely turned off. I had called him, so it wasn’t a true stand-up. I just told him I was too drunk to drive (and didn’t tell him where I was). Now it’s my in-joke between some friends that if you show up late or not at all, you have to be prepared to pay one way or the other…
The anonymous author of “The Art of Oral Sex” writes the following about giving fellatio:
But never mind who does and who doesn't do it, I think that the reasons those who do suck cock do it are similar to the two that make men like to eat pussy, plus a third unique to women. First, they have a loving caring man and the more he likes what they do, the hotter their cunts get. The second is the role that the mouth and tongue play in sex. Why do people kiss? They receive pleasure from the interaction that takes place during a kiss. The mouth, lips and tongue are some of the more erogenous zones of the body and are active rather than passive, you do something with them. You nibble on his ears, kiss and suck on his nipples, kiss his navel, why not kiss and suck on the most sexual part of his body, that thing you love to have thrust into you, his cock. The third is the almost subconscious sexual desire of a woman to draw a man into her body, when she gets hot she wants his cock in her, and her mouth is an inviting place to put it. Put this all together and his cock in your mouth is where it's at gals.
Just for a minute, forget how good it feels to a man for a woman to take his cock into her soft loving mouth, lick it, suck it, slide her lips down over it until she has her face buried in his bush.
Let your imagination conjure up images of your favorite movie star's cock in your mouth. It's live, warm, feel it throb as his heart beats. Feel it pulse as he tightens his muscles. Imagine sucking it inside you and bringing him to climax.
Sucking a man's cock can be one of the pure pleasures in a woman's life. It's sad to think that many women don't appreciate just how much fun it can be. One reason for this, outside of being with the wrong man, is that they don't know how to suck cock and so it doesn't end up being much fun. Because if you mess up, you don't get your reward. The cock doesn't get hard, the man doesn't have a good time and the woman feels like a failure. Other reasons are: a man's cock is dirty; he urinates through it; he won't respect me if I do it; he'll cum in my mouth. The answers are: if he washes his cock, it's as clean as your finger that you willingly put in your mouth; urine is not poison and doesn't carry germs, besides he doesn't urinate when he has a hard-on; he'll probably love you for it and give you head to boot; he won't cum in your mouth if you don't want him to, besides you'll probably want him to when you get into it.
I’m still trying to get the visual of Hugh Grant and Richard Gere out of my head, sorry. Well, this female author gives expert techniques, and they’re almost the same as the ones on the guys' sites.
After reading some guys’ sites about it, I find that their fascination with the topic borders on the amusing. In fact, some of the writers’ descriptions are downright hilarious. One author tells women to learn these advanced techniques to really please your lover “…especially since many guys seem to just expect a rhythmic head-bobbing sorta suck-fest.” I read that this morning and nearly spilled my coffee—no wonder guys love bobble-head dolls. I wondered about the fascination with those ugly little plastic dolls—now I understand. Here’s the link: http://www.sexuality.org/l/incoming/afell.html. This article reads like a thesis on the topic, and calls itself, “Advanced Fellatio Technique and Secrets.” I wondered where the author got his info, and he dutifully explains his source of information:
“There are two ways one could become expert enough at fellatio to write this page: By being really good at it, or by having been subjected to the attentions of people who were even better at it. Consider me the latter.”
OK, so all of this research stems from one discussion in a movie. I’m not warped—I’m just curious. The topic just fascinated me—all the reviews of “Chasing Amy” mentioned the particular fellatio tips dialog, so it appears that our society really does find the topic of fellatio mind-blowing.
Another interesting article you may like is MSN’s treatise on sexy women throughout history: http://www.msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=89&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544658